OOPS 05 The Cat Came Back 
                           Harry S. Miller late 19th century

Old Mr. Johnson had trouble all his own 
He had a yellow cat that wouldn't leave his home 
He tried in every way to keep that cat away 
Took him up to Canada and told him for to stay 

But the cat came back the very next day 
The cat came back, they thought he was a goner 
But the cat came back, he just wouldn't stay away 

On a telegraph wire the birds were sitting in a bunch 
He saw an even number, said he'd have 'em for his lunch 
Climbed softly up the pole until he reached the top 
Put his foot upon the 'lectric wire, tied him in a knot 

This cat had company out in the backyard 
Somebody threw a boot and threw it awful hard 
Hit the cat behind the ear and he thought it was a slight 
And down came a brick and knocked him out of sight 

They threw him in the kennel where the dog was asleep 
And the bones of cats lay piled in a heap 
That kennel burst apart and the dog flew out the side 
With his ears chewed off and holes in his hide 

They sneaked him in a shop with the butcher not around 
And they dropped him in the hopper where the meat was ground 
The cat despaired with a blood-curdling shriek 
And that shops hamburger tasted furry for a week 

They put him in a cotton sack and gave him to a girl 
Who'd started on a bicycle all around the world 
Well, over there in China a terrible wreck was found 
She's singing now in heaven with the angels all around 

Now this cat was a terror and they thought it would be best 
To give him to a feller who was going way out west 
Train ran round a curve and hit a broken rail 
Not a blessed soul aboard that train lived to tell the tale 

The cat was a possessor of a family all its own 
With seven little kittens 'til there was a cyclone 
Blew the houses all apart and tossed the cat around 
The air was full of kittens and not a one was found 

Away across the ocean they did send the cat at last 
Vessel only out a day and taking water fast 
People all began to pray, the boat began to toss 
A great big gust of wind came by and every soul was lost 

They gave the cat to a man in a balloon 
And told him to give him to the man in the moon 
But the balloon it busted and everybody said 
Ten miles away they picked the man up dead 

At last they found a way this cat to really fix 
They put him in an orange crate on Highway 66 
Come a ten ton truck with a twenty ton load 
Scattered pieces of that orange crate a mile down the road

They put him on a boat bound for Sidney town 
They thought with all that rain there he'd surely drowned 
When the rain came down for the 92nd day 
That whole darn city just a floated out the bay 

The farmer on the corner said he'd shoot that cat on sight 
Loaded up his shotgun full of nails and dynamite 
And he hid in the garden till the cat came round 
But 97 pieces of that man were all they found 

They put him on the White House lawn, I'll tell the reason why 
With all the golf balls flying, they thought he'd surely die 
Well the very next morning, what do you think they found 
64 squirrels lying dead upon the ground 

Gave him to a little boy with a dollar note 
Who was going out to sea in an open boat 
They tied a rock around his neck, 
it must have weighed a pound 
Now they're dragging up the river,
'cause the little boy was drowned 

They took him down to Cape Canaveral 
and they put him into place 
And they shot him in a satellite way up into space 
They thought that the cat was beyond human reach 
And then they got a phone call from Miami Beach 

An H bomb fell just the other day, 
A bomb fell in the very same way 
Russia went, England went, then the USA 
The whole human race gone without a chance to pray