Purple and Blue - or Shieldbiter's Lament
by Lady Annys Bradwardyn

I’ll tell you a tale, I’ll take you way back
Of how my true love was hit in the sack
He was delt a blow so mighty and true
It made all our children purple and blue

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Purple and blue, purple and blue
It made all our children purple and blue

T’was during fight practice, a Baron so bold
Flossed him with rattan, sharpened and cold
My Lord, he stepped forward into the blow
My Lord, he bent over, crushed fruit down below

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He called for the Baron for him to see
“I think something not right has happened to me
There is some swelling, the color’s not right
I think I am dying, not a pretty sight”

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They rushed for the Doctor, but what could he do?
My Lord, he was frightened, treasures sore through
The Doctor was worried, one looked ready to burst
Just like a ripe melon. We prepared for the worst

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Somewhat like a walrus, my man, he moved slow
From the water closet, he cried the word, “NO!!!”
He wept for his pecan, so shiny and black
Fearing his vigor would never come back

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His crotch became famous throughout the Known World
Stories abounded, the legend unfurled
And Italian made pictures, they hang on our wall
Purple and mammoth, my Lords mighty ball

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It has since gotten better, the flesh has all healed
My Lord, he has proven his sword did not yeild
Nine months to my labor, I’m telling you true
Out come our twin boys, Purple and Blue

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