H 28 The Baron Territorial A.S. XX 
                                  Thorvald Grimsson and friends
Sung To The Tune Of
I Am The Very Model Of A Modern 
                               Major General by Sir Arthur Sullivan

I am the very pattern of a Baron Territorial,
With information medieval, feudal and armorial,
I know the Kings of An Tir, and I quote the wars historical,
From Myrgan Wood to Westermark in order categorical.
In fact, when I know what is meant by mamelon and ravelin,
When I can tell at sight a naginata from a javelin,
And when I know what progress 
Has been made in modern gunnery,
Then I'll know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery.
My military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been updated to the late eleventh century,
But still in matters medieval, feudal and armorial,
I am the very model of a Baron Territorial.

I've got a little army, too, to help me with my politick,
It only takes the three of us to change 
A burned-out Kendal-stick,
Aristocratic manners I have made my speciality,
I seldom stoop to bourgeois tricks like crass commerciality.

I think I'm very tasteful too, in matters gustatorial,
I understand the subtleties of cuisine piscatorial,
I'm proud of my collection of the letters of the alphabet,
And understand there's only one or two I haven't gotten yet.
I'm very good at Early Anglo-Saxon Hagiography,
I know I know as much as Gerhard Kendal's bibliography,
In short, in learning medieval, feudal and armorial,
I am the very model of a Baron Territorial.

I can kiss a well-formed Gothic hand, or one that's Carolingian,
I trace my ancestry right back to Early Merovingian,
I love to brawl or dance or both, I love to doodle-dipsy,
But bardic circles I can't stand 
When they're just Whistling Gypsy.
I'm very good at setting trends in anything sartorial,
I dress to catch the eye of lovely ladies reportorial,
With Chroniclers about, 
I think of striking such a handsome pose,
With velvet Tudor doublet, and a pair of well-filled panty-hose.
When under forty I was known for flirting and for lechery,
But all my skill has gone, and I'm reduced to using treachery,
In short if you've a hankering for things conspiratorial,
You'll say you've never met a better Baron Territorial.

Performer(s) Thorvald Grimsson