H 15 The Volga Birthday Song
Sung To The Tune Of
Volga Boatmen

Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)
Death and gloom and black despair
People dying everywhere
Happy Birthday! (UHH!) Happy Birthday! (UHH!)

Now you are the age you are 
Your demise cannot be far 

May the candles on your cake 
Burn like cities in your wake 

Hear the Women wail and Weep 
Kill them all ,but spare the SHEEP! 

May your deeds with sheep and yaks 
Equal those with sword and axe

Your servants steal, your wife's untrue 
Your children plot to murder you 

They stole your gold, your sword, your house 
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse 

So you're 29 again 
Don't tell lies to your old friends 

So another year has passed 
Don't look now they're gaining fast! 

The Black Death has struck your town 
You yourself feel quite run-down 

We brought linen, white as cloud 
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud! 

Add -romance- to life tonight 
Burn, then Rape by firelight!

I'm a leper, can't you see 
Have a birthday kiss from me

Fear and gloom and darkness but
No one found out that you're a____

You're a period cook, its true
Ask the beetles in the stew

Now your jail-bait days are done
Let's go out and have some fun!

You must marry very soon
Baby's due the next full moon

Were I sitting in your shoes
I'd go out and sing the blues

Tho you're turning 29
Age to you is like fine wine

Now you've lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer

Long ago your hair turned grey
Now it's falling out, they say

So far death you have bypassed
Don't look now it's gaining fast

See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace 

Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et

This one lesson you must learn
FIRST! you pillage, THEN !you burn

Happy Birthday!

Performer(s): To many to list