BS 36 Only Fencers Wear Dresses
Sung To The Tune Of Only Straight Girls Wear Dresses - CWA
Only fencers wear dresses,
It read upon the stall,
Well the jock who wrote it must not have a brain at all.
I got quite disturbed, yes I got mighty mad,
At all the assumptions made about my clad.
I left the ladies lounge in a cloud of perfume
When I saw the same gal who vandalized the bathroom,
She looked at me from across her foamy brew
Checked out my houppelande and fancy hair-do.
I saw a spark of challenge in her half closed eyes
So I moseyed over to her feeling adrenaline rise.
I said, "you wanna cross swords?" with hidden zeal,
And she turned to me and said, "Hey, are you for real?"
Only fencers wear dresses It read in her eyes,
If I’da been in trews and tunic she'd be quick to hit,
But because I'm in cavalier she thinks I'm a poke swish!
So I flipped my red belt and jingled my spurs,
I said one fight with me, you'll never be the same again
She said, you think you know about Rattan and Leather,
I said, hun, what I know is too much to measure.
I grabbed her chin, she gave a sly grin,
I said Bitch, I'm not a talent scout,
If you fight with me, I'm gonna wear you out."
She said, "I've never been one to back down from a dare,
I'll see what you're made of anytime, anywhere."
Then get your fat butt off of that campseat,
I'm not going to beat you where all can see you screaming,
Under my rattan, the entire eric under my command.
She followed my butt to the bear pit of sin
Where my dream of conquest was about to begin
I slipped my weapon into my sword hand
Our eyes were locked and that’s where I began
I slammed her firmly against the wall,
Undid the laces so my bodice would fall
Tugged on the straps of my armored vest
Lo and behold I've got kydex breasts.
I began to shiver, but I played it cool,
Don't let them see you sweat is my golden rule.
Wanted to crush this girl since 2 months ago,
But to a dish like me she was stone cold,
Harp Seal on my sword, she was what I was hittin’,
Only now did she find out what she'd been missin’.
I hit her hard and fast and yet,
While my shots roamed, she was loosing her façade.
Her shield was drooping and I heard her say, "please"
So I wrapped up her leg and put her down on her knees.
Her shots were alright, but she could not defend,
Meanwhile I wondered if she'd like to be my friend.
I beat her up like a pell at every angle,
Her heart was pumping like a double time tango,
She's breathing hard and hitting at my head
Should I kill her kneeling up or
Should I knock her down instead?
This girl was hot with blood lust I could see,
I began to wonder what she would do for me.
She began to drool and I heard a loud wail
And she died with a tremor that measured on the Richter scale.
Only fencers wear dresses glared in red above her head,
As she stared at me with surprise and respect.
"Now, before you beat me, you better eat those words"
A flat snap to my helm and the rest was a blur.